This weekend my husband was out of town to see family. I usually go with him; in fact, I don't remember the last time we took a plane ride apart! But for various reasons, he went by himself.
Although I missed him terribly (He's back tonight! In just a couple hours! I cannot wait!), it was surprisingly lovely to have a weekend to myself. It made me realize how little alone time I truly allow myself to have! There are always so many other people to tend to...friends, family, coworkers, neighbors...and of course, my darling perfect husband. It seems I put myself at the end of this list of people to worry about...and then I guess I never really get the chance to get around to it. And by it, I mean me.
A weekend alone was the perfect amount of time. Because the first day I was still in let's-take-care-of-everything-else mode. I made to do lists and ran errands and rushed about, desperate to ensure I was making the most of every minute I had. It wasn't until the second day that the desire to be constantly busy subsided...and, as Rabbi Adler said, I was able to just visit with myself. Like an old friend! Like someone who moved away after middle school and I hadn't seen in a very long time!
It turns out I am alive and well. I am happy to be here. I still have strong opinions on books and movies, and I still love red wine. It turns out my career interests have shifted, as have my snack preferences. Also I now like baking and singing in the shower. Before this weekend, I had an inkling of these preferences, but I hadn't really allowed myself to talk about them. With myself.
It was good. It was something I needed. Moving forward, I'm going to make "visits with myself" a priority.
PS. And while I was out hiking, I saw this sweet little blue balloon all by itself and I thought - hey! You're on a journey of self discovery right now, just like me! Go, little balloon, go! He's what really prompted me to write this post.
PPS. Also as I was writing this, I couldn't help but think about this amazing clip from Best In Show. Jennifer Coolidge is seriously my spirit animal.