Song Report: Let's Agree to Replace Hotel California.

As you may have noticed from my previous post, I'm hanging out on a lake in Michigan. Which is all we Michiganders do in the summer. We go "up north", aka anywhere north of the center of the state, and hang out on a lake (literally any lake), drinking beer and boating. It's the reason we live in Michigan (or why I used to). For nine months of the year, it's a cold, painful existence in the mitten state. But for a very sweet three, it's absolute heaven on earth.

So we're listening to a LOT of music on the boat radio, of course. My dad is blasting tons of classic rock (as all dads do, right?). I love classic rock, especially Queen and the Rolling Stones. But you know what I don't love? Hotel California. If I never hear Hotel California again, as long as I live, I would be the happiest girl in the world.

Here is the song, if you need a refresher. I hope the link works because I did not test it to see if it was right because that would mean I would have to listen to it.

I know this blog isn't a place to hate on things, so I won't spend my time cataloging all the reasons why Hotel California is the most annoying song to ever be written. That's not positive! That's not affirmative! What I'm going to do instead is come up with a list of songs that could replace Hotel California as The Top Song That Should Be Overplayed While Outdoors In The Summer.

Here are the qualifications needed:
  1. It has to be long, with some sort of jammy part in the middle. Otherwise dads the world over are going to be sad they can't play air guitar. 
  2. It has to work on Adult Contemporary and Classic Rock radio stations. DJs from both stations must feel comfortable playing this song. (I would even venture to include of about five years ago, Oldies stations have started playing music from the 80s. Whether they should or not, they are doing it.)
  3. It has to have a catchy chorus. So moms the world over can avoid learning most of the words but can join in for the chorus. 
  4. It has to be PG but not PG-13. So everyone thinks they're getting away with something a little naughty. But come on, not too naughty. You probably want a hint of sex and drugs, without a full-on Notorious B.I.G. verse. 
  5. It has to be karaoke-able. Obviously, we all must want to sing it all the time, especially at karaoke. If you can't picture your best friend's boyfriend drunkenly singing this song at midnight to an extremely excitable crowd, then it's not what we need.
With these thoughts in mind, here are my contenders. Now, I know most of these are already played with relative frequency. But they are not played HALF as much as Hotel California. What I'm suggesting here is, every time a DJ has a yearning to play Hotel California, they play this song instead. Basically I'm looking for a Nicorette gum to help with the world's Hotel California addiction. 

Contenders For The Top Song That Should Be Overplayed While Outdoors In The Summer (in lieu of Hotel California):

10. Gimme Shelter - Rolling Stones
09. Raspberry Beret - Prince 
08. Under Pressure - Queen
07. Dancing In The Dark - Bruce Springsteen
06. Tiny Dancer - Elton John
05. Cruise - Florida Georgia Line
04. Rhiannon - Fleetwood Mac
03. You Make My Dreams (Come True) - Hall & Oates
02. Hollywood Nights - Bob Seger

But the Number One Top Song That Should Be Overplayed While Outdoors In The Summer (in lieu of Hotel California) is definitely All Summer Long by Kid Rock.

I know some people will throw their computers on the ground after reading that. I know I may be a little bias, as that song is written about summers in northern Michigan.

But it's true! It's the perfect replacement for Hotel California. It fits all the qualifications. It's catchy. It's heartwarming. It evokes a nostalgia, no matter how old you are or what era you are from. It holds up as the years go by. It's rooted in classic rock, with its Sweet Home Alabama and Werewolves of London samples.

And it's about being outside and loving life! 

Unfortunately, I can't mandate the replacement of all copies of Hotel California with All Summer Long. But I CAN figure out how to secretly remove it from my dad's Ipod....