I'm Back! And I'm Trying to Quit Underselling.

Hi all! So I lied when I said everything had calmed down for me. I was setting unrealistic expectations for you all and myself (a topic I want to get into cuz my husband and I had a good, productive argument about how frustrating it is when I undersell the amount of work I have to do). Today marks the end of a VERY busy month at work for me, and I should have known better.

BUT. I think this is it. I think I can finally get back to posting regularly! As I said earlier in September, I'm going to shoot for just three posts a week for now. But maybe I can do more? I hope so!

AHH. There I go, over-promising things again. I literally just typed the above paragraph and already I'm setting unrealistic expectations! This is a bad habit, like biting your nails or playing with your hair. I think I need to start wearing a rubber band around my wrist, so I can snap myself whenever I over-promise or undersell.

So here's what I realized over the past month, as I had to work late almost every night and at least one day a weekend - you've got to be as realistic as possible when communicating with your loved ones. It doesn't do anyone any good to say "I hope to be done by 7pm" or "I'd like to be home in time to eat dinner with you" or "I have to work Saturday, but I'm thinking it's only going to be half a day!"

This sets everyone up for disappointment...and it puts you between a rock (your work obligations) and a hard place (your sad loved one). You're setting unrealistic expectations that this other person is going to live their life by. And your desire to be positive or hopeful is actually just you underselling the probable amount of work you have to do.

And this applies to all types of relationships, in all aspects of your life (obviously it does, as I was just over-promising to all of you, dear readers). Some other examples/times I do this...
  •  I know I do this at work, when discussing deadlines and deliverables and sensitive topics with my co-workers and the folks I supervise. Which is terrible! All I want is honesty from those around me, so why do I feel the need to skew what I'm telling others? In trying to put the happiest, shiniest spin on something, I'm doing all three no-no's - over-promising, underselling, and setting unrealistic expectations.
  • And I know I do this with friends, too. If there's multiple parties in one night, it may be your best and honest intention to get to them all, but you have to be realistic with yourself - and more importantly, the hosts - and recognize you just might not be able to fit it all in. It's better to say that than to set the unrealistic expectation that you will "pop by for sure!" Just be realistic with them and with yourself!
  • And lastly, I know I do this with me. Every day. With every to do list. I undersell to myself how long anything - everything - is going to take. And then I'm always disappointed that I didn't get through more. Why do I torture myself like this? In being positive or hopeful, I just raise my anxiety levels unnecessarily!
I think the motives are slightly different for all these situations, but they come from the same place - you want to make people happy. You want people to like you and what you're doing. And I think also you want to project the best version of yourself, the version you want to be.

SO. I'm resolving to be better about this. I'm resolving to be more realistic...not because I want to be less positive, but because I know being realistic will lead to more positive outcomes and less broken promises.

And, that being said...let's stick with three posts a week for now. :o)