Finding Peace in the Mommy Wars

You've heard of the Mommy Wars, right? Turns out, they're totally real. And, as a woman on the verge of motherhood, it's a serious bummer to realize this.

The term "Mommy Wars" became popular in 1986 after Leslie Morgan Steiner published a book called, Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families. And after almost 20 years, the term has grown to encompass so much more than just working vs. staying's also about how and where to give birth, how to sleep train, when, where, and what to feed, the type of diapers you's just a big world of choices. And by choices, I mean chances for judgment.

That's why I'm crazy about this new commercial/PSA that Similac just released. Check it out:


YES, YES, and YES. I laughed. I cried. I cooed over that little baby in the stroller. And most importantly, I truly internalized this message. We are parents first. Who the heck cares how you had, feed, or cloth your baby, as long as your baby is happy and healthy?

As Amy Poehler says in her fantastic book Yes Please (which I will write about soon because it basically changed my life), her attitude on other mother's choices is, "Good for you, not for me." What a wonderful motto! What a terrific way to say it! That's awesome that you want to have a home birth, and I want to go to the hospital. We're both right! It's great that you are using formula to feed your adorable and healthy baby; I'm going to try to breastfeed if I can (and I'll call you if I need advice/decide to stop). Hooray for feeding babies, every which way!

I love that both Amy and this commercial trumpet the important message of....hey, a little less judgment, ok? Because we're all just trying to get by!

And we're all guilty of the judgment, no matter what side of which argument we're on. I don't even think it's intentional, most of the time. We're just stuck in our little stratospheres, doing what's best for our families, and sometimes we don't recognize that we are subconsciously sending out some seriously judgy signals and vibes to those around us. Or sometimes we feel the need to defend our choices to others, and this defensive attitude comes off as self-righteous and divisive. No wonder they call this a war.

Don't feel like you have to defend yourself. You're doing great things for you and your family. And don't judge me if the great things I'm doing for me and my family are a little different.

Remember - good for you, not for me. There's no right or wrong here.

We can end the Mommy Wars by feeling confident in the choices we make for our families and easing up on our judgment of the choices made by others.