The Waiting Period.

Tomorrow is the due date.

That's right. According to Science, we are supposed to have a baby tomorrow. We are exactly 40 weeks from this child's point of conception.

Also pictured - hospital bag, boppy, and
a yoga ball. WE'RE READY TO GO.
He is fully cooked and ready to come out. I know this because he is stretching those limbs and pressing on all parts of my body. He's a big boy, so he doesn't have as much room to move as he used to, but he still tries to roll over and tap dance and practice his down dogs. I'm sure he will be The Most Coordinated Child of All Time, right from the get go. Obviously.

Meanwhile, I'm kind of a mess! No, that's an exaggeration. By "mess" I mean I'm having a large range of emotions right now, often accompanied by consuming coffee (Caffeine! I'm an evil mother!) and one or two of those Reese's Easter Eggs (that so handily hit shelves right when my maternity leave started).

I guess I just wasn't ready for the physical and emotional weight of this Waiting Period. Every mother (be it from natural birth or adoption) understands what I'm talking about right now. And they are all giving me small head nods of commiseration followed by small head shakes that basically mean "Snap out of it!" and "You'll pine for this pre-baby time soon, just you wait."

It's just...I have never felt as impatient, as ready for something to happen, as I do right now.

I've never felt this physical discomfort either. I am huge. I can't get up out of chairs, I can't take socks off by myself, and I can no longer see the lower half of my body (Wonder what's happening past my belly button? Hope my dress isn't tucked into my undies! No seriously, can you check for me?).

Sleeping is impossible...I am exhausted every night, so I sleep hard for a few hours, and then parts of my body begin to hurt. The rest of the night is a struggle. As a result, I'm sluggish for hours in the morning and refuse to change out of my XXL tshirts and yoga pants...I've even gone grocery shopping in this get-up. Sometimes I think my neighbors don't even realize I'm pregnant - they just think Brandon's wife got fired and has really let herself go, you guys. 

Everything could be a sign of oncoming labor. My head hurts. Is that a sign? The kid is headbutting my groin. Is that a sign? I have serious cramps every afternoon and evening. Is that a sign? I've never googled this many physical symptoms on the internet (which is a terrible, awful thing to do, by the way. Says the person who literally just did it for the 345th time a few seconds ago. But really, don't do it - the answer is always that you have cancer.).

And emotionally I am riding the line between being the most SELFISH I have ever been in my life and the most UNSELFISH I have ever been. It's so weird. At the end of your pregnancy, you are in this crazy tunnel vision where you're only thinking about your own issues and processing all of this like it's the first time it's happened to anybody ever and you're making your husband, family, and friends do, like, everything for you and the whole world revolves around you and this miracle that you are growing because you are amazing and you can't really believe the local news hasn't done a story on you yet, let alone CNN.

And yet at the same time, at any moment, you are about to come into possession of another human being that you jointly created that will literally take up all of your time forever. You are about to give birth to a person who will 100% change your life and who you are 100% responsible for. A little tiny darling perfect person who will need love, care, food, and help with their bodily functions for YEARS. At the expense of your own love, care, food, and bodily functions. But who cares about you anyway? Because now you have this baby and everything is wonderful and you've always felt like showering was super overrated. This sweet little nugget is all that matters. BABY BABY BABIES.

Labor is that thin dividing line of emotions that I'm walking like waaaay close to right now. And I'm just waiting...for the physical side of things to say I'm ready. Even if I feel like I'm ready emotionally, apparently I don't get to make that call (Have you ever tried reasoning with a uterus? Ugh, talk about attitude!).

But such is life! Moments like this remind me how much we are not in control of what's happening and the importance of going with the flow. I read this great quote from Mandy Hale the other day that said, "The key to happiness is letting each situation be what it is instead of what you think it should be." And if that isn't right on target for pretty much everything, I don't know what is.

So, I am going to let this Waiting Period be what it is instead of what I desperately want it to be (LABOR). Here are some of the terrific things that have already happened during this time:

- SO MUCH cleaning. I even cleaned out my washer and dryer (for the first time, ever).

- The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt premiered on Friday and it's perfect. I'm trying hard not to binge. (We're on Episode 4 - no spoilers in the comments!)

I've always wanted my own desk at home!
- My new desk area. Isn't it adorable? Pretty much everything you see pictured came from Ikea, except the crates are from Michael's and the rug is from Target.

- The weather in Southern California has been positively delightful. We're finally getting to use the backyard! I love drinking coffee or eating breakfast out there.

- Speaking of, Brandon has made me a slew of delicious breakfast sandwiches. There's nothing I love more right now than a bowl of fruit and a yummy breakfast sandwich.

- I've discovered a bunch of fun coffee shops in Pasadena (blog forthcoming).

- Plus the Dancing Man story made me really happy (the result, not the initial shaming, obvs).

So. Things are good! And I'll just keep waiting!

Hopefully this kid will come out sometime this month. That would be nice.